Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: The Sea
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu

And we live a life of ease.  Every one of us has all we need.  Sky of Blue, Sea of Green.  In our yellow submarine.--The Beatles



        Barbara stood outside Michiru's door, tapping her foot anxiously.
She wondered if she'd made the right choice.  Carnations were cheap and
Michiru knew it, but the colors blended and swirled in a way all other
flowers seemed to be jealous of.  Barbara never really cared, but an artist
like Michiru would just love it.
        Hopefully.
        What am I so nervous about?  She SEES everything.  That's the way
her mind works.  How could she live with me and not notice how much I loved
her?  And what about that night, for chrissake?  We were both drunk, but she
had a reason.
        She shut her eyes and just thought about Michiru for a little bit.
The picture formed in her mind automatically.  She could see her doing
little things that Barbara'd watched her do during the day.  Playing her
violin, combing her hair, just WALKING from place to place, the memories
excited the heart and made it beat faster.
        But then it disturbed her.  The way she carried herself, the way she
spoke, her manner, it was so dignified.  So elegant.  Carnations?  An
insult.  She deserved better.
        Barbara turned away from the door for the third time that day.  Yet
another bouquet had failed the "perfect" test.

        Michiru opened the door and peeked out.  Barbara was slowly walking
away, another pathetic bunch of flowers hanging from her hand.
        She sighed and closed the door.  She sat in her favorite chair.
"Hotaru," she whispered.  "Hotaru, can you hear me?"
        There was a slight yellow glimmer, and Hotaru was sitting on the
bed.  "What is it?" she asked, slightly annoyed.  "I was beating four drunk
gods at poker."
        "It's Barbara again," Michiru answered.  "Sorry, but you're the only
one I know to turn to."
        Hotaru shook her head.  "She been bugging you?"
        Michiru laughed suprisingly bitterly.  "She's trying, but she's too
nervous."
        "Remind me again, what's so wrong with her?"
        "I don't LIKE her!" Michiru burst out.  "She's arrogant and
judgemental and bitter.  Why doesn't she get the point?  I don't want to
spend any time with her!"
        Hotaru frowned.  "Interesting," she said.  "So, you don't think that
you could ever love her?  I mean true, honest, pure love.  One-dies-the-
other-feels-really-really-bad kind of love.  You don't think that's possible
with her?"
        Michiru stared at her dead friend in disgust.  "No," she said after
a minute.  "I don't."
        Hotaru shrugged.  "Okay," she said.  "So why did you...y'know?"
        "I have no idea!" Michiru groaned.  "I was drunk, and...scared of
being alone, I guess.  God, I was so stupid."
        Hotaru grinned.  "She is very beautiful, isn't she?  And handsome,
too."
        Michiru glared at Hotaru.  "Yes," she said.  "It's too bad I HATE
HER."

        Setsuna was interrupted checking herself out in the mirror by
Barbara walking in and collapsing face-down on the sofa.
        Setsuna sighed.  "Just pick some flowers at random and give them to
her," she snapped.  "It's not hard."
        "Oh, shut up, Setsuna," Barbara muttered.  "I don't have the
strength to argue with you."
        "Well, fine.  Just tell me how I look.  Hot, huh?"
        "I really don't want to look at you that way."
        "Oh, come on."
        Barbara glanced up and then plopped her face back down into the
cushion.  "Yes, you look fine," she said.  "I suppose you're going out
tonight."
        "Yep," Setsuna said proudly, touching up her lipstick.  "Find some
poor schmuck, string him along, get him in the sack, and then dump him,
hopefully breaking his heart in the process.  Just another Saturday night."
        "You truly are a disgusting person, Setsuna."
        Her sister grinned.  "I'm not disgusting," she said.  "I'm
manipulative and cruel, but not disgusting."
        Barbara sat up and stared at Setsuna harshly.  "Why do you do this?"
she asked.  "Who hurt you to make you want to this to all these people?"
        "Just appreciating my freedom," Setsuna answered, walking towards
the door.
        The phone rang.  She stopped and answered it.  "Hello?"  She paused
a second, then handed the phone to Barbara.  "It's for you."
        Barbara did not thank her.  She took the reciever, and spoke into
it.  "This is Barbara," she said.  "Yeah?...What is it?...oh my god...how?
I don't...yes, I'll be right over..."
        She stood up and dropped the reciever on the floor, a bizarre
expression on her face that Setsuna wasn't sure she recognized.
        "One of my friends from the track is dead," she said simply.  Then
she walked quickly towards the door, but stopped halfway.  "Oh god, he's
dead," she said, as if hearing it for the first time.  She started to run.


        She came back about three hours later.  She walked in slowly, and
sat down quietly on the couch.
        Setsuna and Michiru were uncharacteristically kind to her, asking if
she wanted anything to eat, hot chocolate, a warm bath, a cold shower, some
rest, and a million other things that Barbara denied.
        After about ten minutes of sitting silently she spoke.  "I had lunch
with him last week," she muttered.  "And I was mean to him.  We were joking
around, just like always, but that's how he thought of me when he died.
He..."  She broke off, terrified she might start to cry.  She looked
up at the others, but only noticed one of them.  "I learned something," she
whispered.  "Always let people know how you feel.  Even if you think they
do, MAKE SURE.  Because one day they could just be gone, and you'll never
get a chance."
        Setsuna's body felt empty.  It was the unexplainable feeling.  She'd
never felt it before, but it was strong now.  She saw Barbara stand up, take
Michiru's hands in hers, and her mind burned with fury.  She couldn't
understand.
        "Michiru..." Barbara whispered.  "There's something I have to tell
you."
        Setsuna touched Michiru on the shoulder.  "Michiru," she said, "I
need to tell you something first."
        The door slammed.  Haruka stood there, staring at all of them.
"No," she said wildly.  "I have something I need to say to Michiru."
        For what quite possibly could have been hours, not one of them
moved.


        "This isn't fair," Michiru muttered.  "This isn't fair!"
        "I don't know why you hate it so much," Hotaru said, unpeeling a
banana.  "Just pick one.  It's not hard."
        "You don't understand," Michiru groaned.  "It's not that easy."
        "Why not?"
        "Because I don't know what to do!  I...I don't love Haruka, but I'm
connected to her, y'know?  Uranus/Neptune.  She's part of me.  And
Setsuna...I had no idea she cared about me like that, and I still don't know
how I feel about her, and..."
        Hotaru looked up at Michiru, her eyes uncharacteristically unhappy.
"What about Barbara?" she asked.
        Michiru blinked.  "I'm not considering her a possibility," she said.
"I'm truly sorry I have to hurt her, but that's the way it is."
        "But...but you have to admit, she is awfully attractive.  And
masculine!  You do like that, don't you?"
        "What is it with you and her?" Michiru asked.  "Why do you keep
talking about her?  She's cruel.  Remember the Starlights?  She just told us
all to hate them because she did.  I don't want to be controlled by her.  I
don't want her to make me as heartless as she is."
        Hotaru sighed.  "Okay," she said.  "Imagine there's somebody who
loves...macaroni and cheese.  In fact, they love it so much, they can never
be happy unless they're eating it.  All the rest of the time, they're cranky
and mean to everybody.  But they've never had macaroni and cheese.  So that
side of them can never show.  Everyone just thinks that the angry part is
their entire personality.  But if they could only eat piles of macaroni and
cheese every day, then everyone around them would be better off.  You see
what I'm saying?"
        Michiru blinked.  "You've really been getting weird since you died."
        "Yeah, being around the gods can do that.  Heaven too, actually.
That's the strangest place I've ever been.  Anyway, you get it?"
        "No.  But I think you were somehow talking about Barbara, and I wish
you'd stop."
        Hotaru finished her banana.  The peelings faded into thin air.
"Okay," she muttered.  "Fine.  But what about Setsuna?  She's much worse
than Barbara ever was.  You know what she does, don't you?  She goes out and
hurts people every night.  She likes it."
        "Yes, but whenever I'm around her, she's so nervous and sweet.  She
won't do that to me."
        "I wouldn't be so sure," Hotaru muttered.  "Well, then there's
Haruka.  Have you noticed that she's...y'know...insane?"
        Michiru glared at her.  "We all have our faults, Hotaru," she said
seriously.  "We have to accept them and move on.  I, for example, do get obsessive about my appearance.  I'm fine with that.  Don't take this
personally, but you can be annoying at times.  Setsuna at first was boring
and now she's sadistic, Barbara's always drinking and yelling at people she
thinks are inferior for some reason, and Haruka's a paranoid schizophrenic.
And we're ALL LESBIANS."  She sat down, depressed.  "My god, we're a pack of
freaks."
        "Hey, I got a boyfriend up there," Hotaru grunted, pointing at the
ceiling sharply.
        Michiru raised an eyebrow.  "Really?  Who?"
        Hotaru shook her head.  "I'm not telling you.  You called me
annoying."
        Michiru rested her forehead in her hands.  "I feel like I'm going
crazy," she groaned.  "I need some sleep."
        "Okay," Hotaru said, cheerful again.  "See ya."

        The mirror flickered to life.
        Haruka paced back and forth, shaking her head and pulling at the
bottom of her shirt unconciously.
        "What if," she was muttering.  "What if...what if...what if..."
        Oh god, I'll die.
        "She keeps me in.  She saved me.  Oh god, I'll die.  I'll die.  I'll
die..."
        She stopped, tugging harder.  "I need her," she murmured.  "There's
no love.  I NEED her."
        Her shirt ripped.
        She stared down at it dumbly.  Water began to drip down on it, as
she continued to pace.

        The mirror flickered to life.
        Setsuna stood on the balcony, staring off into the sunset.  She
barely moved, except to bring the cigarette up to her lips and back down.
        The world turned, the sun went down, Setsuna lit another cigarette.
For hours she sat there, just watching the world from her faraway vantage
point, free and secure.
        It was a short-lived illusion.  Somebody called her name, and she
remembered that she was a person with a body and a voice, and others knew
she existed.  Her only hope for happiness was to make the most of it.
        One person, ONE PERSON ever cared about her at all.  But was it all
a lie?  Was she just fucking around with her?  She...
        Setsuna picked up her ashtray and smashed it on the balcony railing.
She put a hand to her forehead, and made a concious effort to breathe more
slowly.  She found it exceedingly difficult.
        "I can't go back," she said softly, painfully aware she was talking
to herself again.  She'd been doing it for years.  Somebody had to keep her
company.
        "I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said.  "And I'm not going
to.  Whatever happens...whatever she does...I can't be alone.  I can't."
        She looked around her.
        Her cheeks were wet.



        The mirror flickered to life.
        Barbara sat in the corner, her knees pulled tight to her body.
        She was in a dirty T-shirt and shorts.  She hadn't changed for
several days.
        Once in a while she'd look at the ceiling, sigh slightly, and
whisper a single word (name) silently.
        Then she'd shrink into herself, as if afraid to even hope, and bury
her face in her knees.  Salty water rolled down her legs.

        Michiru stood in a shadowy place.  Her eyes couldn't see anything
but the wind and the nothing all around her.  Her arms were stretched out
over her head, and she could feel something in her hands, something pushing,
and moving.
        It was a strain to look up.  He neck didn't want to move, but
eventually it gave and she tilted her head back and saw what she was
holding.
        It was Haruka.  She was yelling something, but it was all lost in
the powerful gale that Michiru suddenly realized was about to push her over.
She looked frantically in the direction of its source, and saw Setsuna, her
hair whipping around her body, making her nothing but a swirling mass of
green.  She was smiling.
        Barbara was behind her breathing the wind, eyes closed and hair
completely still.  Her stance was strong, and before her lay the corpses of
everyone she hated without reason.
        Michiru went down.  Haruka landed several feet away, in a perfect
crouch.  She looked at her former supporter with utter hatred.
        All three advanced.  Michiru curled up into a ball, sobbing and
mumbling.  "No!  Please...I tried!  Please..."
        She woke up, not sweating, not screaming, not sitting bolt upright
and staring off into space for a few seconds.  She opened her eyes, rolled
onto her back, and just lay there, thinking.  There was only one solution,
she knew.  Well, not yet.  But she would.

        "Oh my god," Michiru muttered.  "This is ridiculous."
        Hotaru smirked.  "I agree.  So, which one are you gonna choose?"
        Michiru stood up and walked to the window.  "I don't need this," she
said softly.  "I don't need these people...loving me so much."
        "What's that supposed to mean?" Hotaru asked.
        Michiru began to laugh.  Hysterical, shreiking, gasping ha ha ha's.
She looked at Hotaru, her eyes sparkling.  "Fuck them all," she said
happily.
        "What?"
        "You heard what I said."  A few seconds of laughter.  "I don't want
anyone to depend on me.  I don't want to depend on them.  I'm not going to
let any of them dominate me."
        Hotaru didn't say anything.
        "MY GOD!!" Michiru suddenly burst out.  "It's so damn beautiful
outside!"
        She walked closer to Hotaru.  "It's just me," she whispered,
grinning.  "It's not someone-and-me.  I'm the most important one here.  Fuck
them all."
        Hotaru refused to meet her eyes.  "I'm so sorry, Michiru," she
muttered.  "But it's not your choice anymore."
        Michiru's stomach turned to cotton.  She turned to Hotaru,
trembling.  "What?"
        "Stability," Hotaru said softly.  "That's the most important thing.
Teams.  Partnerships.  Love.  Bonds.  The gods like that kind of thing."
        Michiru shook her head.  "No," she murmured.  "No.  I said no."
        "They don't care about you.  They care about someone-and-you.  I'm
sorry.  They're going to make their changes and fix everything.  They're
doing this for YOU.  They want you to be happy."

        Michiru woke up sweating, screaming, sitting bolt upright and
staring off into space for a few seconds.  Somoene was holding her.
        "Ssshhhh."  A soothing, warm, deep voice.  "I'm here, Michiru.  It's
just a bad dream."
        "Oh god," Michiru sobbed.  "Haruka!"
        She calmed down quickly.  "I'm sorry, Haruka," she muttered,
embarrassed.  "It was the most terrible dream...I couldn't stand it.  I
didn't try to wake you up."
        "It's okay."  Haruka embraced her even tighter, rubbing the bare
shoulders softly with her strong hands.  "Tell me what happened."
        Michiru tightened the lock even more.  "It's horrible.  I dreamt
that we were arguing, and you got really angry, and...oh god...you murdered
me."
        Haruka laughed softly.  "Is that it?  That's ridiculous.  Now come
on, which do you believe, some stupid dream, or this?"
        They kissed.  Michiru's shallow breathing was silenced.
        They parted.  Michiru looked up at her love.
        "Do you trust me?"  Haruka's face was serious.
        Michiru nodded.
        "Good.  Do you think you can sleep?"
        No.  "I think so."
        "Okay."  Haruka leaned over and kissed her again, then lay down to
go to sleep.
        Michiru did not sleep that night.  But she stayed quiet anyway.


