
Secondary Characters: The Pain
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu

You're not going crazy...you're going sane in a crazy world!--The Tick

She's gone already, Chief.--Some guy at Taco Bell (The Late Show With David
Letterman)

        The purple void was bloody.  Three people stood surveying the
carnage.
        The Plutos turned and noticed the man behind them.  They jumped in
suprise.
        He was old, with a long grey beard.  He shed a tear over the bodies
of the Urani, and then turned to face the Guardians of Time.
        "What have you done?" he rasped.  "What the hell were you thinking?"
        They started to answer, but he cut them off.  "You think you can
just manipulate my senshi like this?  I felt bad for you two at first, but
no more.  I'm not going to let you keep on fucking around when there's work
Sailor Uranus could be doing."
        Blonde Pluto eventually tried to say something.  "What's going to
happen?"
        The old man laughed.  "I don't care what happens to you.  Kill
yourselves and let Pluto sort it out.  But as for me, I've already chosen
who the new Sailor Uranus is going to be."
        They were horrified, but knew it would do no good to show it.  They
nodded.  The old man smiled in satisfaction and disappeared.


        Another man appeared, this one with a dark beard and permenant
scowl.  He looked at the Plutos with frowny amusement.  "You mortals are
hilarious," he said.
        Green-haired Pluto stared at him blankly.  "What are you going to do
with us now?"
        "Now see, I don't know.  There is only one of me.  I don't think the
other gods would like it if I had two of you senshi thingies."
        "Charon's not a moon," blonde Pluto pointed out dully.  "It's a
sister planet."
        The god Pluto scowled.  "I know, but Sailor Charon?  That's so
hokey.  It's nearly as bad as Sailor Earth.  No, I'm leaning toward the
idea of having you two just slug it out, and the one left standing gets to
represent me."
        Yet another man, this one in a black robe, appeared.  "Hey, now
don't do that, now," he said.  "That's always the kind of idea you're coming
up with all the time, and to tell you the truth, I'm getting kinda sick of
it."
        The god Pluto laughed.  "Really, Charon, stay out of this.  You're
not even a god.  What'll you give them, magic rowing power?  SUPER OAR
ATTACK!  Heh heh heh."
        "Well, at least it wouldn't be something like yours.  I guess
there's nothin more terrifying than a big...y'know...ball o' pink shit
shooting out at you.  I'd at least put some imagination in my stuff."
        The god Pluto sighed.  "Well, fine.  If you want this, and if it'll
get the others off my back, have your senshi.  Just don't come crying to me
when this thing falls apart."  He disappeared.
        "Jerk," Charon muttered.  He looked up at the Plutos.  "Okay guys, I
need to know which one of you wants to be my senshi."
        They didn't care.  Eventually blonde Pluto raised her hand.
        "Good!" Charon exclaimed.  "Hey alright.  Why don't you come with,
and Pluto, I guess, can get back to earth by herself, right?"  Green-haired
Pluto nodded.  She disappeared.
        The other two found themselves in a dark brightly-lit cavern,
standing on a houseboat.  "Welcome to my humble abode," Charon said.  "First
of all, thank you fer choosing to be my senshi.  It was the right decision.
Pluto, as you know, could care less how happy your green-haired friend there
is.  Hey, try to cheer her up as much as possible, okay?  Take her out
drinking or something.  I feel bad for her.  Now, anyways, we need specifics
here, don't we?  Hmmm...like a name!  You need a name."
        "Sailor Charon."
        "No, I mean like a real name.  Like Barbara or something.  Ah screw
it, we'll figure that out later.  You need a power.  A good power."
        Sailor Charon sighed.  "I do?"
        "Yeah, an it's gotta be cool, too.  Something like...y'know...HADES
DEATH BLAST!!  Or...I dunno...CHARON STYX PLUNGE!!"
        "Plunge?"
        "Oh I dunno, something to that effect.  See, the key is, it's gotta
be intimidating yet simultaniously pretentious.  Hey, at least I didn't use
a part of the female anatomy, right?  Ha ha!  Now lessee...you need a
transformation thingie too, doncha?  Hmmmmmm.  Okay, you'll reach up into
the air, okay?  And then you spin around, and big shadows cloak you and you
spread your arms out and dance all over the place and stars shoot out all
around, alright?  And weird music playing real loud.  So anyone who sees
this just goes, 'Gosh, that's real neat!' How's this sound to you?"
        Sailor Charon shrugged.  "Fine, I guess."
        "And there'll be light!  Green and blue light swirling all around
in the background, y'know?"
        "Right."
        "And stars!  Did I mention stars?"
        She nodded.  "Uh huh."
        "And you'll be naked!"
        She sighed again.  "Don't you have work to do?  Boats to row?"
        He shook his head.  "Naw, nobody who dies goes to Hades anymore,
'cause nobody believes in us, see."
        She looked at him critically.  "This is ridiculous," she muttered.
        Charon frowned.  "No it's not," he said.  "We're just trying to be
creative here."  He scratched his chin.  "Hey, you want your own talking
cat?  I can fix it so you have your own talking cat."
        "No, I don't want a talking cat."
        "Okay."  He thought for a second.  "You're gonna need a uniform too,
aren't you?  How 'bout we make your skirt...grey?"
        "Make it longer than the others," she replied.  "Since it'll just be
lengthened anyway otherwise."
        He nodded.  "You bet.  I never liked those little skirts, there.
Nobody did.  They were Jupiter's idea, y'know.  Okay, grey and long it is.
Now lessee, we need a history for you, don't we?  Well, you're Sailor
Pluto's sister, right?"
        Sailor Charon found that idea distasteful.  "Do I have to be?  I'd
like as little connection with her as possible."
        He thought about it, but eventually shook his head.  "Naw, you guys
gotta be together somehow, just considering the proximity o' the planets,
see.  It's either sisters or lovers, an I think we've all had enough of that
kinda thing, don't you?  Y'know?  So, you're sisters...and...let's just make
this simple, okay?  You died, were reincarnated, and just fight with the
rest o' the outers.  None o' that Time shit."
        She shrugged.  "Whatever you want."
        "Listen, these are YOUR memories, here.  This is what you're gonna
believe actually happened to you."
        She shrugged again.  "I don't care anymore.  Can I go now?"
        "Of course not!  There's a whole mess o' shit we gotta figure out
here.  And this is all harder than you think.  We gotta be careful that
nothing about you is anything like any of senshi that are already there, or
everyone will laugh at me all call me uncreative.  So work with me here! We
need all the miscellaneous stuff now.  Like...your favorite gemstone.
And...your least favorite subject in school.  Favorite food.  What you have
trouble with.  Hobbies.  What you dream of doing.  Your astrological sign.
Your least favorite food.  Plus a short description of you.  Y'know, just a
basic personality."
        She groaned slightly.  "Can't I just keep my own?"
        That stopped him.  "Well...sure," he said eventually.  "That's a
good suggestion, actually."  He looked up at her, his eyes glinting.  "Hey,"
he said with mock secrecy.  "Do you think that I could...you know...come to
earth and be your boyfriend?"
        "No."
        He nodded sadly.  "You're right.  That'd just be dumb, wouldn't it?"
        "Oh, I don't think this process could get any dumber."
        He stared at her.  "I don't think you understand how important this
is for me.  All those gods, they think they can just shit all on Charon all
the time.  Well, no more.  See, because o' you, I'm gonna be invited to the
big parties now!  But you gotta be perfect, or I'm gonna be a
laughingstock!"
        "But can't you figure all this out without me here?  I'm telling you
now, I'm fine with whatever you come up with, just as long as it's not
something stupid like you coming, okay?  I just want to go back to some kind
of life."
        Charon shrugged.  "Sure.  Now if you got any problems, just call
anytime, alright?  See ya."

        Michiru woke up to the sound of soft crying.  She got up and went
over to Haruka, sitting alone in the corner, and touched her on the shoulder
softly.
        Haruka sniffled and tried to wipe the tears away.  "I...I'm sorry,"
she murmured.  "I didn't want to wake you...I just..." she trailed off and
couldn't think of anything to say.
        "Ssshhh," Michiru whispered soothingly.  "It's okay.  You know I
understand."
        She stroaked Haruka's head softly, and the unceasing noise on the
inside of it nearly ceased.
        Haruka reached out and touched Michiru's face.  "What would I do if
I didn't have you?" she murmured.
        The door opened slightly, and Setsuna stuck her head in.  "Is
everything alright?" she asked quietly.
        "Yes," Michiru answered.  "Haruka's just having kind of a rough
night."
        Hotaru peered in underneath Setsuna.  She looked at Michiru and
mouthed the word "pills".
        Michiru nodded silently and continued comforting her lover as only
she could.  Hotaru ran to the kitchen and returned with a prescription
bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
        "Here, come on now," Michiru said, taking the bottle, removing the
top, and pulling out a single white pill.  "Take this.  You'll feel better."
        Haruka nodded, and with a shaking hand she popped it into her mouth
and washed it down with the water.  Then she hugged herself to Michiru
tightly, wiping her tears on her shoulder.  "I love you," she murmured, grey
eyes glistening.
        Michiru smiled.  "I love you, too."

        Satisfied, Hotaru went back to bed.  Setsuna stood alone.  She went
up to nobody.  "I love you," she whispered.  Nobody said, "I love you, too."

        Barbara probably would have done something similar, but she was too
busy drinking alone.





